September Update

Thing had been seeming very down lately. James had lost his job a couple months ago, bills were piling up, and it seemed like my body wasn't planning on regulating itself anytime soon, but last week suddenly everything changed. A couple weeks ago James found an ad for a job online and submitted his resume. Within minutes he got a call for a same-day interview! The interview went great and then we waited. After not hearing back for several days, James called the company back, and they had him come in for a meeting with the owner of the company - the next day he was working his new job for more than his old job paid and closer to home than his old job! Praise God! 

That same night, I decided to randomly take a pregnancy test. I'm weird, and I like to randomly take pregnancy tests...I didn't expect to see anything on it, because my body hasn't had normal, pregnancy-sustaining cycles lately due to my breastfeeding Brooklyn and pumping milk to donate. I was very surprised when I saw the faintest of lines on the test. It was so faint nobody else could even see it, but I just knew. The next day I took another test, and sure enough, there was another faint, but definitely visible line! Excited didn't even cover it. I proceeded to take a different type of test, and the line was even more obvious on that test! Then I couldn't stand it, and I took a digital test that somebody brought me - it confirmed it with an indisputable "line". It said I was pregnant. I am "due" in May. 

I am so very excited to be pregnant again, but definitely not without worry and mixed feelings. We miss Eden desperately, and nobody could ever replace her. We aren't trying to replace Eden, but I know that my heart is finally ready to open up to another child again. I am on eggshells, of course. I've had a miscarriage in the past, so of course I'm nervous about that, especially until the gestational day I miscarried passes, but I'm even more nervous about losing another child to anencephaly or a different birth defect. With my MTHFR gene mutations, there are so many things that can go wrong, but I have to trust that God will make things go right. I wish I could say I have total faith this baby will be healthy, but I think until I see that whole, round head on the ultrasound I will be afraid of the worst.

It is bitter sweet being pregnant. I don't think it's really hit me yet to the full extent though. I've already had a couple rounds of morning sickness, but other than that I don't really feel pregnant. I don't think it'll really sink in until I have my first doctor's appointment. I'm not sure when that will be yet, but probably not for a month or so since I'm still so early. I have already been to the chiropractor once though, and I will be seeing my chiropractor as often as I see my OB to help ensure a normal delivery. 

My latest milk donation of 900 ounces.
This totals 5225 ounces of breastmilk donated so far.

I think that my pumping will probably start to come to an end now that I'm pregnant. The last few days I've been so tired in the mornings that to get an extra 20 minutes of sleep, I let Brooklyn nurse in the mornings instead of getting my morning pump in. Because of this, I've only gotten a couple ounces in 3 or 4 days. I'm sure my supply will start to drop and I won't be able to pump soon enough anyway, but I am disappointed that I am going to be unable to pump for much longer. Once I started pumping, I realized how healing it was, and I've really grown to almost like it. I love the feeling of helping other babies with the milk. I recently had decided that my "goal" for pumping was going to be what would have been Eden's first birthday, but I'm not sure that will happen anymore. It seems as though this chapter of my grieving process is coming to a close, and I'm going to really miss it, because it's really one of the last physical reminders that I gave birth nearly ten months ago.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, for peace and for a healthy baby. Little Eden Marie is going to be a big sister...