Eden's 2nd Birthday

Eden's second birthday is very quickly approaching. Last year, I embraced my sadness, and I was able to mourn and celebrate my daughter in the days leading up to and on her birthday, but this year I feel like I've tried not to think about it, and I have realized that I've been avoiding my own feelings about it, because things are different this year. Last year I was pregnant. I was around 15 weeks or so along, and I was mostly assured that we were expecting a healthy baby, but I don't think the reality that we'd have a baby in the end kicked in until much later. This year I have that healthy baby. She's a beautiful, and wonderful 6 month old who gives me so much joy that I feel like my heart will burst when I look at her. She fits into our family so perfectly that I can't imagine a life without her in it, but I know that if Eden had been healthy, we probably wouldn't have our little Rosalie, and that reality tears at my emotions.

Happy Birthday, My Little Angel

Tomorrow is Eden's first birthday...I can not believe my baby would have been a year old already...I remember when Brooklyn turned a year old, how I planned her birthday party out weeks in advance. It was such an exciting milestone to be coming up on. This time I've been planning how I'm going to get through the next coming days and honor my daughter's memory...

Eden's Birth

This is going to be long, because I don't want to forget anymore details.

Monday morning James went to work like normal. He dropped Brooklyn off at my parents' house so I could get some rest (because she likes to wake up at 5:30 now). I remember waking up at about 8:00 and feeling some stomach cramps. I briefly thought that it felt like the cramps I had when I went into labor with Brooklyn, then I turned back over and fell back asleep. I woke up at about 9:00 and noticed a few more light cramps, and they'd come and go. All morning I had light cramps, and at about noon I started to time them. They were coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds each. They were fairly mild, more of a tightening sensation than anything, and I was exciting wondering if I was in labor. By 2 or 3 in the afternoon, I was pretty sure I was in labor, but I wasn't sure if my contractions were doing much since they weren't lasting too long. I couldn't tell if Eden was head-down or not, but I thought maybe she was head-down because of the pressure in my pelvis with each contraction.

Happy Birthday, Eden Marie

Eden Marie was born Monday, November 26th at 11:20pm. She was 6lbs, 13oz and 18.75 inches long. She lived a beautiful 6 hours and 27 minutes with us before she went to be in her Mema's arms in Heaven....we are so incredibly blessed to have such a beautiful daughter, and we are so proud and honored to have been chosen to be Eden's parents. Things aren't easy for us right now, and my arms are aching to hold my sweet girl just one more time, but as I'm able to, I'll write and post our birth story, and some of the amazing things Eden did. Eden was and is perfect, and I wouldn't trade a single second we had with her for the world. She was SUCH a miracle, and you can take everything you ever read in a textbook about anencephaly and toss it aside, because they are wrong. I'll leave you with some pictures and the promise of more updates later. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Tiny, beautiful feet.

She was a chubby little girl! <3

Christmas Photo

Mommy's Birthday

Today was my birthday. It really was a day of mixed emotions. I woke up fairly early after another restless night, and was greeted with breakfast from my amazing husband. He really is do everything "right" through all this... I really wanted to be mad at him at first for going about life and watching TV and playing and laughing with Brooklyn, etc., but it's exactly what he needs to do. He's supporting me, and he's always lending a shoulder for me to cry on, but Brooklyn needs him to be playing and laughing with her, because it's not that easy for me yet. I know it's different for him than it is for me because he isn't carrying Eden, and he may never feel the pain quite the same as I am, but I know he's still feeling the pain of losing a child.