Peace Lily

I think I've said this before, but God has given me tremendous peace. I read a blog that described this journey of carrying a child with anencephaly as a series of peaks and valleys. It's surprising, especially to myself, but through this so far, God's given me more peaks than valleys. I'm able to laugh with my family, and smile, and sew, and complete my homework, and smile at Eden's kicks, and do all the other stuff that is part of my normal life, and I think I appreciate it all just a little more than I used to. Of course, there are times when I get sad because it'll just hit me outta nowhere that I'll never get to see Eden do the stuff that Brooklyn is doing, like learning to talk, or that I might never hear Eden cry or get to see her beautiful eyes, but then I remind myself that right now she's alive, and right now she's happy and safe inside me, and even once she's gone, only we are going to be sad. It isn't going to suck for her like it sucks for us - she gets to go be with Jesus, and she'll be sitting in my great-grandmother's arms watching out for us. It just sucks for us because we won't get to watch her grow up.