Eden is a Big Sister!

I should have posted an update about Rosalie sooner, I know this, and I apologize to those who've been wondering about us. Thank you to the people who have reached out asking for an update! The reason for the delay is I've been struggling with how exactly to announce Rosalie's birth on this blog, because I know that many of my readers (especially new readers who come across our blog) are moms or dads who've recently been given a diagnosis of anencephaly or other fatal birth defect in their precious child. I want to be sensitive to that, and not have the first post they see on my blog to be this huge birth announcement announcing a healthy baby when they are expecting to find a story similar to their own. At the same time though, I want to give hope to those parents. Because there is hope - I was so afraid of never having another healthy baby after we lost Eden, but our precious rainbow baby was born absolutely perfect and is completely healthy. She is truly a blessing.

Happy Birthday, My Little Angel

Tomorrow is Eden's first birthday...I can not believe my baby would have been a year old already...I remember when Brooklyn turned a year old, how I planned her birthday party out weeks in advance. It was such an exciting milestone to be coming up on. This time I've been planning how I'm going to get through the next coming days and honor my daughter's memory...

September Update

Thing had been seeming very down lately. James had lost his job a couple months ago, bills were piling up, and it seemed like my body wasn't planning on regulating itself anytime soon, but last week suddenly everything changed. A couple weeks ago James found an ad for a job online and submitted his resume. Within minutes he got a call for a same-day interview! The interview went great and then we waited. After not hearing back for several days, James called the company back, and they had him come in for a meeting with the owner of the company - the next day he was working his new job for more than his old job paid and closer to home than his old job! Praise God! 

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've updated. I mean to do it, and then get busy and it doesn't happen. Over 8 months has passed now, and we are coming up on Eden's first birthday...I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I think we will have family over to release balloons, like we did at her memorial.

Six Months

That precious smile.

Six months. That's half a year...Half a year has passed since we had Eden and said goodbye to her. It's so hard to believe that it's already been so long. I still think of Eden on a daily basis...it's rare that I cry anymore, but everyday I see her pictures on our wall and I'm reminded of the beautiful daughter we aren't getting to raise. It hurts. It hurts that she was taken away from us so quickly, and it hurts that I never got to see her roll over or start to crawl, and it hurts that the precious memories we made with Eden are already fading. I thank God that we have the pictures and videos that we have of her. We miss her so much...

I'm still here...

I know I haven't updated in a while. I kept meaning to, and then I start doing something else, or my thoughts get interrupted, and I just never get through an entire post without scraping it. I can't believe Eden would be going on 5 months already. Time goes by so incredibly fast. They said it goes by faster as you age, but I guess I never believed it when I was a kid.

Quick Update

My most recent donation - 238 ounces.

Just a quick update on us. Things have been pretty uneventful these past few weeks. I've continued pumping and donating my milk in Eden's name, and it's really healing to be able to do so. I've donated 1318.5 ounces of milk so far. I've been drinking Organic Mother's Milk tea, and I think it really helps - my supply has picked up to about 30-40 ounces pumped a day now, in addition to nursing Brooklyn. She's still nursing like a newborn when it's just me and her at home - I don't even bother trying to make her lunches anymore, because it just sits on the table untouched, but she's been eating breakfast at her Grammy and Grandpa's house each morning, so I can get my morning pump in (and so I can sleep later than 5am every morning, which I think helps my supply more than anything!), and she picks at her dinner when James gets home. Despite her "new" nursing habits, she's gained at least a pound since I gave birth, so I'm definitely not worried.

Eden's Memorial

Saturday we opened up our home to friends and family that were able to come and celebrate Eden's life with us. My dad made a really beautiful picture video that we played all day long on the television, and people filled our living room and kitchen. We told people anytime after 10, and most of everyone who came arrived just after 10 - at one point we had over 30 people in the house at once!

Eden's Birth

This is going to be long, because I don't want to forget anymore details.

Monday morning James went to work like normal. He dropped Brooklyn off at my parents' house so I could get some rest (because she likes to wake up at 5:30 now). I remember waking up at about 8:00 and feeling some stomach cramps. I briefly thought that it felt like the cramps I had when I went into labor with Brooklyn, then I turned back over and fell back asleep. I woke up at about 9:00 and noticed a few more light cramps, and they'd come and go. All morning I had light cramps, and at about noon I started to time them. They were coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds each. They were fairly mild, more of a tightening sensation than anything, and I was exciting wondering if I was in labor. By 2 or 3 in the afternoon, I was pretty sure I was in labor, but I wasn't sure if my contractions were doing much since they weren't lasting too long. I couldn't tell if Eden was head-down or not, but I thought maybe she was head-down because of the pressure in my pelvis with each contraction.

Still Pregnant, Still Stressed

This past week has been pretty much about how the rest of the year is going. I won't go into details, because it isn't my place to do so, but I nearly lost another family member, and one of my grandfathers had a stroke last week. Thank God they are both doing alright now, but this whole past week I've just been sitting here wondering what would be coming next. I just don't understand why our family can't just catch a break. It really doesn't seem fair.

More Time With Eden

So Friday I had another chiropractor appointment and my ultrasound appointment. The chiropractor went well. My doctor could tell she was transverse, but she moved a lot after my adjustment and during my acupuncture session, and by the time I went to the ultrasound that afternoon, she was head down. Obviously her being head down was great news, and it was such a relief to me. We also found out that she's chunky, because we could see the little rolls on her thighs and arms, but she's not huge, and she's not going to be huge because her head is so much smaller than a healthy newborn's. Her head measurements threw off the size estimation a bit, but it ranged from 5lbs 14oz using her head measurements to 6lbs 11oz excluding her head measurements, which isn't too bad for 36ish weeks.

Transverse

I haven't written in more than a week, and I really should have. At my appointment a couple Mondays ago (the 22nd), Eden was oblique. That's a little better than transverse, but it still would result in a c-section if we can't get her to turn. I've been using the techniques on spinningbabies.com with seemingly no success. I had another OB appointment this past Tuesday, and we found that Eden was back in the transverse position, and had pretty much turned a 180. It is also obvious that Eden is quite large, but honestly I expected another large baby - I suppose it's just how my body grows babies. Nothing wrong with large babies.

Praise You In This Storm

Today I stumbled across a facebook page about a little boy named Noah. On October 5th, Noah was born with anencephaly, and he will be two weeks old in just a couple days. Little Noah is truly a miracle, and I pray that we can even hope for that long with Eden! Here is his facebook page if you'd like to give it a visit. Noah's story gives me such hope, and I'm going to be keeping this little boy and his family in my prayers.

Some Maternity Pictures

We got back our maternity pictures! Here are some of our favourites!

Maternity Photo Shoot and Nearly 33 Weeks

Yesterday I had maternity photos done by a really nice photographer, Lori, that works with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS is an organization that provides remembrance photography for families suffering the loss or impending loss of an infant. We went to Branson, MO for our maternity pictures, which is almost 100 miles away, but it was totally worth it. I am totally excited and can't wait to get to see our photos! I'll post a few when we get them back. If you want to see some of the other photos she's done, you can look at her website here. She specializes in baby and child photography, and her work is truly beautiful! If we ever get it in the budget, we'd love to go back to her and do family photos sometime!

My Angel Shower

Saturday my mom and her friend, Sherry, threw me an Angel Shower. An Angel Shower is similar to a baby shower, with a few obvious changes. The purpose is to celebrate the life of the child that isn't going to get to stay on Earth after birth. Instead of the guests bringing gifts like baby clothes and toys, they instead bring things for the parents to help remember the baby, or maybe a giftcard to somewhere, or something for the other child or children.

The Tiny Rosebud

I have lots to share from today, but I'm completely exhausted and headed to bed, but promise to update soon. For now, I'll leave you with a beautiful poem that my friend, Sherry, modified for little Eden (original poem written by Helen Steiner Rice).

Our Second 3D/4D Ultrasound

Today was our second 3D/4D ultrasound (read about our first one here), and it was wonderful. Eden has gotten a lot bigger, but she's no less stubborn than she was last time! She was head down, so the tech wasn't having the easiest time getting pictures of her face for us, and Eden kept arching her back and stretching her neck back (kinda like how Brooklyn arches her back when throwing a fit!) to get away from the wand! We did get some really good pictures though anyway, and the tech said that just from glancing, my fluid levels appear normal!

30 Weeks and a Blessing

I can't believe that I'm 30 weeks along now. I'm not sure where the time goes anymore - the days do seem to drag by, at least until my husband gets home, but each week seems to be over before I know it, and the weekends are over even faster.

29 Weeks...and complaining.

I've been avoiding blogging these past couple weeks, because it seems all I can do is complain, and I feel so guilty when I complain, because I'm complaining about part of the only time I'm going to get with Eden...talk about feeling like a horrible mother. But maybe I'm allowed to complain a bit. It's possible to love Eden, and her every (mostly painful) kicks, and still hate being pregnant. I remember hating being pregnant with Brooklyn too - I think I even vaguely remember saying I'd never do this whole pregnancy thing again, which is how I feel right now, but I know I'll eventually forget how miserable I feel while pregnant, like I obviously did when we decided to have a second child...It just sucks. I guess I assumed being 40lbs lighter would make this physically easier on my body, but apparently 40lbs wasn't enough.