Six Months

That precious smile.

Six months. That's half a year...Half a year has passed since we had Eden and said goodbye to her. It's so hard to believe that it's already been so long. I still think of Eden on a daily basis...it's rare that I cry anymore, but everyday I see her pictures on our wall and I'm reminded of the beautiful daughter we aren't getting to raise. It hurts. It hurts that she was taken away from us so quickly, and it hurts that I never got to see her roll over or start to crawl, and it hurts that the precious memories we made with Eden are already fading. I thank God that we have the pictures and videos that we have of her. We miss her so much...

I know a lot of people will think I'm a crazy person for saying this, but I know Eden is still here watching over us...I think she interacts with Brooklyn...it can get almost unnerving at times, but it's also comforting. Brooklyn will be in the middle of playing by herself, and then she'll look up as if someone is talking to her. She'll start chatting away, laughing and interacting with nothing. If I ask her who she's talking to, she always looks at the picture of Eden on the wall. A lot of the time, she'll even come out and say, "Eden." and tells me all about it. This kid is just over 2 years old...she shouldn't be able to remember the brief time she met her sister after she was born - yet somehow she brings up Eden's name much more frequently than even we do. She sometimes tells me that Eden's crying, and other times she'll tell me that Eden's smiling. I could brush these moments off as only the imagination of a 2 year old, but it gives me comfort in believing that Eden's spirit is still with us. As Brooklyn gets older, I'm very curious if she'll continue seeing and remembering her sister.

Latest milk donation - 800oz to two mamas.

I'm still pumping milk to donate. I never thought I would still be pumping at 6 months...my supply is slowly decreasing, which is expected around this time, but I'm still getting anywhere from 13-26 ounces in a day, usually depending on how much I let Brooklyn nurse. So far I've donated over 4100 ounces of milk to nine different babies. It's been a truly healing experience to be able to help other babies with Eden's milk...I plan on continuing as long as I still have a milk supply.

A couple weeks ago I got my blood drawn to get my vitamin B levels checked. My folate and B-12 levels are both great, which is very comforting, though it doesn't completely erase the fear of losing another child. It's good to know that the vitamins I'm taking are enough to counter my MTHFR gene mutations. Please keep us in your prayers as we continue to move foward.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind.

II Timothy 1:7