It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've updated. I mean to do it, and then get busy and it doesn't happen. Over 8 months has passed now, and we are coming up on Eden's first birthday...I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I think we will have family over to release balloons, like we did at her memorial.

I'm still pumping, though I am getting under 20 ounces a day because something was wrong with my pump and it would no longer empty me. When a friend of mine heard my pump was giving me issues, she found me a new one within minutes! It arrived yesterday, and it works soooo much better than the one that was giving out on me. I am wet nursing this weekend for someone close to me, and I'm hoping to take this advantage to help boost my supply. My new goal is to make it to a year of pumping, and that goal seems to be very attainable.

A year ago I never dreamed Eden's life would change our life so much. I never dreamed I'd be pumping daily and donating my milk, and I never dreamed I'd be able to help someone out by wet nursing. Eden's life and sacrifice has made all this possible. Unfortunately in our society milk-sharing and wet nursing is seen as "gross" and even taboo, but really it's a beautiful thing, and it seems like the most natural thing in the world to me. What better way to honor my daughter than to make a difference, no matter how small, in someone else's life?

Though all of my milk donations so far have been personal donations to friends and strangers who have become friends, I'm about to make a large donation to a milk bank I was recently approved for, because I want some of my milk to benefit preemies. This journey has been an enriching and healing experience for me, and I hope that I can inspire other mothers who are dealing with infant loss to look into pumping and donating milk. It's certainly not for everyone, but it makes me feel like Eden's life means something, especially since we were unable to donate organs after she passed away.

I want to take a moment to thank the mama who gave her pump to me, so I could continue to pump milk for donation. And the mama who initially gave her pump to me when I had decided I'd pump and donate after we got Eden's diagnosis. And the mamas who've given me boxes and boxes of milk bags. And everyone who's supported me though everything we went through with Eden, and everyone who continues to support me as I pump, as crazy as it may seem. Thank you all for being such awesome people. <3