Merry Christmas, Eden

I can't believe it's Christmas Eve again already. The year has absolutely flown by, and while I'm excited for tomorrow morning when Brooklyn comes down our stairs to open Christmas gifts, and excited to head over to my parents' house to spend time with family, I miss Eden in a special way tonight. It's kind of crazy to think she would have been over a year old for this Christmas, and she would have absolutely loved to play with all the wrapping paper and be surrounded by family. I know she's in Heaven right now, rejoicing for the one Gift that truly matters in this world, but that still doesn't make me wish any less that she were here to celebrate Christmas with her family.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and October Update

Today is October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Eden's been on my mind a lot lately anyway, because of my current pregnancy, but we are getting closer to her first birthday, and so I've been thinking about her more and more. I've also been thinking about my Mema a lot lately. We are only a few days away from her being gone an entire year...it doesn't seem possible. I miss them both so much, and I can only take comfort in the fact that Mema is up in Heaven holding my baby girl for me.

September Update

Thing had been seeming very down lately. James had lost his job a couple months ago, bills were piling up, and it seemed like my body wasn't planning on regulating itself anytime soon, but last week suddenly everything changed. A couple weeks ago James found an ad for a job online and submitted his resume. Within minutes he got a call for a same-day interview! The interview went great and then we waited. After not hearing back for several days, James called the company back, and they had him come in for a meeting with the owner of the company - the next day he was working his new job for more than his old job paid and closer to home than his old job! Praise God! 

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've updated. I mean to do it, and then get busy and it doesn't happen. Over 8 months has passed now, and we are coming up on Eden's first birthday...I'm not sure what we are going to do, but I think we will have family over to release balloons, like we did at her memorial.

I'm still here...

I know I haven't updated in a while. I kept meaning to, and then I start doing something else, or my thoughts get interrupted, and I just never get through an entire post without scraping it. I can't believe Eden would be going on 5 months already. Time goes by so incredibly fast. They said it goes by faster as you age, but I guess I never believed it when I was a kid.

Quick Update

My most recent donation - 238 ounces.

Just a quick update on us. Things have been pretty uneventful these past few weeks. I've continued pumping and donating my milk in Eden's name, and it's really healing to be able to do so. I've donated 1318.5 ounces of milk so far. I've been drinking Organic Mother's Milk tea, and I think it really helps - my supply has picked up to about 30-40 ounces pumped a day now, in addition to nursing Brooklyn. She's still nursing like a newborn when it's just me and her at home - I don't even bother trying to make her lunches anymore, because it just sits on the table untouched, but she's been eating breakfast at her Grammy and Grandpa's house each morning, so I can get my morning pump in (and so I can sleep later than 5am every morning, which I think helps my supply more than anything!), and she picks at her dinner when James gets home. Despite her "new" nursing habits, she's gained at least a pound since I gave birth, so I'm definitely not worried.

Eden's Memorial

Saturday we opened up our home to friends and family that were able to come and celebrate Eden's life with us. My dad made a really beautiful picture video that we played all day long on the television, and people filled our living room and kitchen. We told people anytime after 10, and most of everyone who came arrived just after 10 - at one point we had over 30 people in the house at once!

Eden's Birth

This is going to be long, because I don't want to forget anymore details.

Monday morning James went to work like normal. He dropped Brooklyn off at my parents' house so I could get some rest (because she likes to wake up at 5:30 now). I remember waking up at about 8:00 and feeling some stomach cramps. I briefly thought that it felt like the cramps I had when I went into labor with Brooklyn, then I turned back over and fell back asleep. I woke up at about 9:00 and noticed a few more light cramps, and they'd come and go. All morning I had light cramps, and at about noon I started to time them. They were coming every 2-3 minutes and lasting about 30 seconds each. They were fairly mild, more of a tightening sensation than anything, and I was exciting wondering if I was in labor. By 2 or 3 in the afternoon, I was pretty sure I was in labor, but I wasn't sure if my contractions were doing much since they weren't lasting too long. I couldn't tell if Eden was head-down or not, but I thought maybe she was head-down because of the pressure in my pelvis with each contraction.

Happy Birthday, Eden Marie

Eden Marie was born Monday, November 26th at 11:20pm. She was 6lbs, 13oz and 18.75 inches long. She lived a beautiful 6 hours and 27 minutes with us before she went to be in her Mema's arms in Heaven....we are so incredibly blessed to have such a beautiful daughter, and we are so proud and honored to have been chosen to be Eden's parents. Things aren't easy for us right now, and my arms are aching to hold my sweet girl just one more time, but as I'm able to, I'll write and post our birth story, and some of the amazing things Eden did. Eden was and is perfect, and I wouldn't trade a single second we had with her for the world. She was SUCH a miracle, and you can take everything you ever read in a textbook about anencephaly and toss it aside, because they are wrong. I'll leave you with some pictures and the promise of more updates later. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Tiny, beautiful feet.

She was a chubby little girl! <3

Christmas Photo

More Time With Eden

So Friday I had another chiropractor appointment and my ultrasound appointment. The chiropractor went well. My doctor could tell she was transverse, but she moved a lot after my adjustment and during my acupuncture session, and by the time I went to the ultrasound that afternoon, she was head down. Obviously her being head down was great news, and it was such a relief to me. We also found out that she's chunky, because we could see the little rolls on her thighs and arms, but she's not huge, and she's not going to be huge because her head is so much smaller than a healthy newborn's. Her head measurements threw off the size estimation a bit, but it ranged from 5lbs 14oz using her head measurements to 6lbs 11oz excluding her head measurements, which isn't too bad for 36ish weeks.

This feels so wrong to be writing...

I don't even know how to start this post... I'm at a loss for words, and each blog post I write comes with the pain of my reality, and I don't know how to deal with this reality. Saturday morning, at about 1 or 2 in the morning, we were awoken by my parents coming into our house. My mom said she had to tell me something, and from just looking at her face, I knew. My grandmother, Mema, had passed away. My sweet Mema...the one person who would call every single birthday and sing to us, the person who used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me, and take nature walks with us kids collecting little rocks, and nuts, and flowers, and could always find a four-leaf clover every time she looked at the ground.

Praise You In This Storm

Today I stumbled across a facebook page about a little boy named Noah. On October 5th, Noah was born with anencephaly, and he will be two weeks old in just a couple days. Little Noah is truly a miracle, and I pray that we can even hope for that long with Eden! Here is his facebook page if you'd like to give it a visit. Noah's story gives me such hope, and I'm going to be keeping this little boy and his family in my prayers.

Maternity Photo Shoot and Nearly 33 Weeks

Yesterday I had maternity photos done by a really nice photographer, Lori, that works with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS is an organization that provides remembrance photography for families suffering the loss or impending loss of an infant. We went to Branson, MO for our maternity pictures, which is almost 100 miles away, but it was totally worth it. I am totally excited and can't wait to get to see our photos! I'll post a few when we get them back. If you want to see some of the other photos she's done, you can look at her website here. She specializes in baby and child photography, and her work is truly beautiful! If we ever get it in the budget, we'd love to go back to her and do family photos sometime!

My Angel Shower

Saturday my mom and her friend, Sherry, threw me an Angel Shower. An Angel Shower is similar to a baby shower, with a few obvious changes. The purpose is to celebrate the life of the child that isn't going to get to stay on Earth after birth. Instead of the guests bringing gifts like baby clothes and toys, they instead bring things for the parents to help remember the baby, or maybe a giftcard to somewhere, or something for the other child or children.

Our Second 3D/4D Ultrasound

Today was our second 3D/4D ultrasound (read about our first one here), and it was wonderful. Eden has gotten a lot bigger, but she's no less stubborn than she was last time! She was head down, so the tech wasn't having the easiest time getting pictures of her face for us, and Eden kept arching her back and stretching her neck back (kinda like how Brooklyn arches her back when throwing a fit!) to get away from the wand! We did get some really good pictures though anyway, and the tech said that just from glancing, my fluid levels appear normal!

30 Weeks and a Blessing

I can't believe that I'm 30 weeks along now. I'm not sure where the time goes anymore - the days do seem to drag by, at least until my husband gets home, but each week seems to be over before I know it, and the weekends are over even faster.

A Couple Pictures of Eden

James's parents took us out to dinner tonight in town. While we were there, the waitress, who is an acquaintance that I used to work with, was commenting on Brooklyn and stuff, and then asked if we were ever going to have another one. I really didn't know how to respond. I think I said, "Um...yeah...." and she just took it at that and went on with whatever she was saying...I think if she hadn't responded so quickly, I would have figured out how to explain that I was currently pregnant (I thought I was obviously pregnant...guess not?), and explained Eden's anencephaly to her, but she didn't give me the chance. Just another reason I need to stop procrastinating and just make some cards to give to people. I felt really weird and flustered the rest of dinner.

Third Trimester

Has another week really passed? It seems so, and I'm finding it crazy how quickly time is going by. The weekends are a total blur, but even the weekdays are soaring by...I'm 27 weeks now. Today is the last day of my second trimester.

We have a domain!

In case you haven't noticed, you can now find us at www.thelifeofedenmarie.com instead of the .blogspot address, though that one will still redirect you here if you so wish to use it. My mom purchased the domain so it would be easier for her and everyone else to remember it. Thanks, Mom!