This feels so wrong to be writing...

I don't even know how to start this post... I'm at a loss for words, and each blog post I write comes with the pain of my reality, and I don't know how to deal with this reality. Saturday morning, at about 1 or 2 in the morning, we were awoken by my parents coming into our house. My mom said she had to tell me something, and from just looking at her face, I knew. My grandmother, Mema, had passed away. My sweet Mema...the one person who would call every single birthday and sing to us, the person who used to sing "You Are My Sunshine" to me, and take nature walks with us kids collecting little rocks, and nuts, and flowers, and could always find a four-leaf clover every time she looked at the ground.

Praise You In This Storm

Today I stumbled across a facebook page about a little boy named Noah. On October 5th, Noah was born with anencephaly, and he will be two weeks old in just a couple days. Little Noah is truly a miracle, and I pray that we can even hope for that long with Eden! Here is his facebook page if you'd like to give it a visit. Noah's story gives me such hope, and I'm going to be keeping this little boy and his family in my prayers.

Some Maternity Pictures

We got back our maternity pictures! Here are some of our favourites!

Maternity Photo Shoot and Nearly 33 Weeks

Yesterday I had maternity photos done by a really nice photographer, Lori, that works with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS is an organization that provides remembrance photography for families suffering the loss or impending loss of an infant. We went to Branson, MO for our maternity pictures, which is almost 100 miles away, but it was totally worth it. I am totally excited and can't wait to get to see our photos! I'll post a few when we get them back. If you want to see some of the other photos she's done, you can look at her website here. She specializes in baby and child photography, and her work is truly beautiful! If we ever get it in the budget, we'd love to go back to her and do family photos sometime!

My Angel Shower

Saturday my mom and her friend, Sherry, threw me an Angel Shower. An Angel Shower is similar to a baby shower, with a few obvious changes. The purpose is to celebrate the life of the child that isn't going to get to stay on Earth after birth. Instead of the guests bringing gifts like baby clothes and toys, they instead bring things for the parents to help remember the baby, or maybe a giftcard to somewhere, or something for the other child or children.

The Tiny Rosebud

I have lots to share from today, but I'm completely exhausted and headed to bed, but promise to update soon. For now, I'll leave you with a beautiful poem that my friend, Sherry, modified for little Eden (original poem written by Helen Steiner Rice).

Our Second 3D/4D Ultrasound

Today was our second 3D/4D ultrasound (read about our first one here), and it was wonderful. Eden has gotten a lot bigger, but she's no less stubborn than she was last time! She was head down, so the tech wasn't having the easiest time getting pictures of her face for us, and Eden kept arching her back and stretching her neck back (kinda like how Brooklyn arches her back when throwing a fit!) to get away from the wand! We did get some really good pictures though anyway, and the tech said that just from glancing, my fluid levels appear normal!

30 Weeks and a Blessing

I can't believe that I'm 30 weeks along now. I'm not sure where the time goes anymore - the days do seem to drag by, at least until my husband gets home, but each week seems to be over before I know it, and the weekends are over even faster.

29 Weeks...and complaining.

I've been avoiding blogging these past couple weeks, because it seems all I can do is complain, and I feel so guilty when I complain, because I'm complaining about part of the only time I'm going to get with Eden...talk about feeling like a horrible mother. But maybe I'm allowed to complain a bit. It's possible to love Eden, and her every (mostly painful) kicks, and still hate being pregnant. I remember hating being pregnant with Brooklyn too - I think I even vaguely remember saying I'd never do this whole pregnancy thing again, which is how I feel right now, but I know I'll eventually forget how miserable I feel while pregnant, like I obviously did when we decided to have a second child...It just sucks. I guess I assumed being 40lbs lighter would make this physically easier on my body, but apparently 40lbs wasn't enough.

A Couple Pictures of Eden

James's parents took us out to dinner tonight in town. While we were there, the waitress, who is an acquaintance that I used to work with, was commenting on Brooklyn and stuff, and then asked if we were ever going to have another one. I really didn't know how to respond. I think I said, "Um...yeah...." and she just took it at that and went on with whatever she was saying...I think if she hadn't responded so quickly, I would have figured out how to explain that I was currently pregnant (I thought I was obviously pregnant...guess not?), and explained Eden's anencephaly to her, but she didn't give me the chance. Just another reason I need to stop procrastinating and just make some cards to give to people. I felt really weird and flustered the rest of dinner.